Posts by Fibromyalgia Support Network

By Irene Roth/Blog Editor

What happens when we do everything we believe we are supposed to do for our health—and illness arrives anyway?

That uncomfortable question lies at the heart of Gillian Deacon’s deeply personal memoir, Naked Imperfection. Deacon was known for her commitment to healthy and environmentally conscious living. She ate carefully, exercised, practised yoga, and paid close attention to what she put into and around her body. Then, at only 42, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Her diagnosis challenged more than her physical health. It challenged her belief that if she made the right choices, she could somehow keep herself safe.

Naked Imperfection follows Deacon through the fear, uncertainty, treatments and emotional upheaval surrounding her diagnosis. Yet this isn’t simply a memoir about cancer. At its heart, it is a book about our desire for control and what happens when our bodies remind us that life cannot always be controlled.

Deacon writes candidly about perfectionism and the relentless drive to do things “right.” She gradually begins questioning the assumption that health is something we can guarantee if only we eat properly, exercise enough, reduce stress and make all the correct choices. Her experience forces her to confront something difficult but ultimately freeing: we can care for ourselves without being able to control everything that happens to us.

For those of us living with fibromyalgia, that message may feel particularly familiar.

We can pace ourselves, eat nourishing foods, practise relaxation techniques, take medications, improve our sleep routines and learn everything possible about our condition—and still wake up in a flare. Symptoms don’t always follow the rules. Sometimes there is no obvious explanation for why yesterday was manageable and today isn’t.

This is where Naked Imperfection becomes particularly relevant to FibroMates.

Deacon gradually moves away from constantly striving for a better, healthier, more controlled future and toward appreciating the imperfect life happening in front of her. In an interview about the memoir, she described learning that we cannot control everything beyond what is actually within our control and spoke about developing greater appreciation for the imperfect present.

There is something gentle in that message for anyone living with chronic illness. We don’t have to wait until our bodies behave perfectly before allowing ourselves to participate in our lives. Nor does having a difficult symptom day mean we have somehow failed at managing our illness.

The book isn’t always light emotionally. Cancer, mortality and fear are significant parts of Deacon’s story. Some readers may also find themselves questioning some of her earlier beliefs about healthy living and illness. But Deacon’s willingness to examine those beliefs is part of what makes the memoir interesting.

Ultimately, Naked Imperfection reminds us that perhaps the goal isn’t to create the perfectly healthy body or the perfectly controlled life. Maybe, it is to learn how to inhabit the life we have, with all its uncertainty, beauty, limitations and unexpected moments of joy.

by Irene Roth/Blog Editor

Peace can sound like an emotional or spiritual idea. We imagine sitting beside a quiet lake, walking through a forest, listening to gentle music, or curling up beneath a blanket with a favourite book. Yet peaceful experiences don’t exist only in our minds. They can also influence what is happening within our bodies and nervous systems.

For us living with fibro, this is an important idea because we spend so much time dealing with physical discomfort. Pain can keep our attention focused on what hurts, while fatigue, poor sleep, sensory overload, and worries about the next flare can make relaxation difficult. Understanding some of the neuroscience behind calm can help us see peaceful moments as more than pleasant luxuries.

Your Brain Is Always Listening

The brain continually receives information from both inside and outside the body. It notices sounds, sensations, movement, thoughts, emotions, and countless other signals. It also evaluates whether something may require our attention or action.

When we experience stress, the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system helps prepare the body to respond. Heart rate may increase, muscles can tense, and attention becomes focused on potential problems. This response is useful when we genuinely need to act, but spending too much time in a state of heightened arousal can be exhausting.

The parasympathetic nervous system is associated with functions that support rest, digestion, recovery, and restoration. Calm activities may help create conditions in which the body can shift away from constant vigilance.

For someone with fibromyalgia, that shift can feel especially welcome.

Peace Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect

One mistake we sometimes make is believing we need to become completely relaxed for calming practices to “work.” We may sit down to meditate and become frustrated because our minds are still busy. We may try deep breathing while noticing that our shoulders remain tense.

Calm does not have to mean the total absence of discomfort.

You can experience pain and still have a peaceful moment. You can feel tired and enjoy the warmth of sunlight coming through a window. You can have anxious thoughts while listening to rain falling outside. The goal isn’t to force your nervous system into perfect tranquility but to give it repeated experiences of relative safety and ease.

Over time, these moments matter.

Creating Signals of Safety

Consider what makes your body feel safe and settled. Perhaps it is wrapping yourself in a soft blanket, sitting with your cat or dog, listening to familiar music, praying, journaling, breathing slowly, watching birds outside your window, or drinking a warm cup of tea.

These experiences may seem ordinary, but ordinary experiences can be powerful precisely because they are accessible. We don’t need a retreat, expensive equipment, or hours of free time to invite more peace into our days.

Even thirty seconds can count. Close your eyes and unclench your jaw. Lower your shoulders. Notice the chair supporting you. Let your next breath leave your body slowly. Look around and find something beautiful or comforting.

Then remind yourself that you do not have to solve everything in this particular moment.

Building a Peace Practice

For those of us living with fibro, peace can become something we practice rather than something we wait to feel. We can intentionally weave small calming experiences between appointments, chores, conversations, work, and periods of activity.

Perhaps the science of calm ultimately teaches us something beautifully simple: our bodies respond to the environments we create for them.

We cannot control every symptom or prevent every flare. But whenever possible, we can surround an overwhelmed nervous system with gentleness instead of additional pressure.

Peace may begin with something as small as one slower breath, one quiet room, or one moment when we allow ourselves simply to be.

By Irene Roth/Blog Editor

When you live with fibromyalgia, it can sometimes feel as though your body has forgotten how to turn down the volume. Sounds may seem louder, touch may hurt more than it should, stress can feel overwhelming, and even a busy day can leave your entire system feeling overloaded. Pain, fatigue, brain fog, headaches, poor sleep, and sensory sensitivity can seem to feed into one another until your body is begging for quiet.

There is a reason for this. Fibromyalgia involves changes in the way the nervous system processes pain and other sensory information. Researchers often describe this in terms of central sensitization, which means that the central nervous system can become unusually responsive to signals coming from the body. The result is that sensations that might barely register for someone else can sometimes feel much more intense for people living with fibro.

This does not mean that fibromyalgia is simply caused by stress or that our symptoms are imaginary. Fibromyalgia is a complex condition involving multiple biological systems. However, understanding the nervous system connection can give us another way of thinking about symptom management. We may not be able to control everything our bodies do, but we can sometimes create conditions that help an overstimulated system settle.

When the Body Is on High Alert

Our nervous system is constantly receiving information and deciding what deserves our attention. When the system becomes highly sensitized, it may respond strongly to physical exertion, emotional stress, lack of sleep, bright lights, noise, temperature changes, or even an especially busy environment.

Many of us recognize this feeling immediately. You might have a day when the television suddenly seems too loud, your clothes feel uncomfortable against your skin, and a simple conversation requires more energy than you have available. Your body may feel restless and exhausted at the same time.

Instead of becoming frustrated with yourself, try recognizing these moments as signals. Your body may be telling you, “There is too much coming at me right now.”

Turning Down the Stimulation

Calming an overstimulated body doesn’t necessarily require an elaborate wellness routine. Sometimes the most effective approach is simply reducing what your nervous system has to process.

You might dim the lights, turn off background noise, put your phone aside, lie somewhere comfortable, or spend several minutes breathing slowly. A warm shower, gentle stretching, soothing music, time outdoors, or sitting quietly with a pet may also help your body shift toward a calmer state.

One particularly helpful practice is extending the exhale slightly. Instead of forcing yourself to take enormous breaths, breathe naturally and allow your exhale to become slow and comfortable. This can encourage the body’s relaxation response without turning calming into another task you have to perform perfectly.

Calm Is Something We Can Practice

Perhaps the most encouraging part of understanding the nervous system is realizing that calm does not have to happen by accident. We can intentionally create small moments of safety, predictability, comfort, and quiet throughout our days.

For people living with fibro, this may mean thinking differently about self-care. Rest isn’t something we earn after completing everything on our lists. Quiet isn’t laziness. Taking a break isn’t giving up. These are ways of reducing the amount of stimulation an already sensitive system must manage.

We may not be able to eliminate fibromyalgia pain simply by calming ourselves. But we can stop adding unnecessary noise to an overwhelmed system.

This September, experiment with creating small pockets of calm. Five quiet minutes here and ten peaceful minutes there may not seem significant, but they can become gentle messages to your body: You don’t have to be on high alert every moment. Right now, you are allowed to rest.