It all began in 2015, at about age 24. A lot was going on in my life. My grandmother passed of old age two years before. I had relocated later in the year before.
I was unemployed, but taking courses online. I was also trying to publish a book. I didn’t have many friends either, as who could relate to being chronically ill? I don’t know a lot of younger people in my life.
In 2017, I tried renting in another location, but that didn’t go well. It lasted five months. The landlord was mentally ill, a gambling fiend who was running from mega credit card debt and was using her tenants as pawns in her addiction. The other tenants put stale bread at my front door and harassed me.
I was only 26 years old at the time and it didn’t help with symptom management. Dealing with it all was stressful. I moved back in with my mother. Then we figured out something, and by late 2018, we lived separately again.
During that time, I began to learn about myself, about my physiology, and inner core. I learned that I was a highly sensitive personality (HSP). Suddenly, everything started to make sense-my past and current poor health. I began to write for several blogs, sharing my story and some research on chronic illness and high sensitivity.
I wasn’t paid for any of it, but it gave me purpose. It allowed me to build a writing portfolio, credited with over twenty blog posts, and over forty guest posts. I’ve contributed to several chronic health blogs people in the FSN community may know: Counting my Spoons, Despite Pain, Positivity in Pain, The Disabled Diva, Painfully Living, My Medical Musings, The Disabled Diva, and many other non-health blogs. All are available online to read by members and caregivers.
I’ve had a myriad of negative, adverse experiences growing up which resulted in my never feeling connected or safe. I then realised my mother likely had mental health issues as well. It’s no surprise, as she’s an adult child of an alcoholic.
I’ve tried therapy online six times in the past two years, but it hasn’t helped. I didn’t resonate with any of the counsellors, which is common being an HSP. Many, many of us are mis-attuned as children, and then when there’s a mismatch with therapists, we’re unconsciously sent back to our childhood of feeling misunderstood, unseen-and unloved. Not to mention, the process is pricey.
I’ve relocated once again two years ago, and don’t enjoy the situation but it has, once again, been something I can’t control.
In terms of simple fixes, I’ve been trying to eat healthier, get better sleep, and find connections in online communities. Also, when I’m able to, I keep writing for blogs or work on my book or screenplay. It’s frustrating to feel as I do, because I’m so young. But this is life. Sometimes you can’t control some aspects, but others you can.
Jade Bald is a freelance writer, as well as author and screenwriter in progress. She lives in a town in Ontario. When not writing, she is listening to music, and watching the latest series on Amazon Prime Video.
Dear Jade, I empathize with you big time and I hope we can become pen pals or whatever, just know that I refuse to join facebook lol. Anyways, I was dianosed with fibromyalgia in Jan of 2005 and my disability was given to me about 11 months later. I went through a lot of trauma as a young child and teenager including falls on stairs and ice and major car accidents 3 times now, the last one was on a bus last year. I wish I could read all your posts and see where we may connect. I almost had cancer as a young adult too so I do not have children and single at the moment unless you count a man I flirt with in usa lol. I wish you all the best in your journey, God Bless, Amen